The Blog of M Night Shymalan: TO ALL MY FANS:YOU'RE WELCOME

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You are a god M Night Shymalan
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The Blog of M Night Shymalan: TO ALL MY FANS:YOU'RE WELCOME

Postby Metalbender92 on Tue Aug 11, 2009 11:48 pm

(note: This is a spoof. I am not taking a position on racebending or trying to disrespect anyone involved with this film)

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are solely a fictional account of the views and opinions of the individuals portrayed and are not the views of Metalbender, M. Night Shyalaman, Noah Ringer, Paramount, or its parent, affiliate, or subsidiary companies



Any blogs going on now take place after the major events from the first movie's blogs (The first 20 something pages). All the main plot spoilers are below.

Recap:
M Night Fired Frankie as producer and hired 2 ex convicts to take his place. Griff and T-Bone stole a lot of money from the production budget, which is one of the many reasons why the movie sucked. T-Bone double crossed Griff and killed him.

Someone killed Megan Fox (who was cast as Toph) in her trailer.

Someone shot M Night in an assassination attempt.

Someone stole M NIght's usb drive with the ILM effects on it. He later found it.

Jesse McCarteny admitted to leaking parts of the Last Airbender script.



And Now, here are all the answers to the first part of the M Night blogs:

"I found out who shot me. Remember? It was like 2 months ago, and it really hurt.

I am currently updating this blog on behalf of M Night Shymalan, who is currently in the hospital due to 4 bullet wounds in his chest.

On a side note, I have noticed a recent increase in the amount of double posting on this blog. As a moderator, I feel this is very disrespectful to other readers. Warnings will be given to forum members who do not wish to oblige.

Moderator Frank Marshall


Well, I've finally uncovered the truth to why megan fox died, the appearance of Griff and T Bone, and most importantly, the assasination attempt on me.

It all started with Nichola......

Nichola had apparently been sexually abused by Dev for the first few months of rehearsals. Shocking, right? Who coulda guessed?

Dev is such a smooth operator, but there's nothing going on between the two. They've been spending a lot of time with each other lately, though. Dev always offers to organize the broom closet, and he asks me if Nichola can help him sort all the different cleaners. Dev loves to help, and he especially likes doing that job. Nichola never wants to go help him do it, but I tell her to stop being selfish and to go earn her keep.

The only problem I have with Dev is his ideas on nudity. I've caught him naked in there a couple times, but I just assumed that that's how they did things in India. Culture shock, ya know?


She was in love with him because he was the only good thing in her life. Dev was a rich and powerful actor, and he comforted her about her dead mother.

Nichola's mentally unstable, and Noah's just a pain in the @$$. He picks on her every chance he gets, when she's not bawling about her dead mom or whatever.

I asked Nichola if she might have sold her script. She said "money could never bring my parents back to life" and then she put the bedsheets back ...


He was planning to ADOPT HER. She had never had a real home or anything, and she didn't want to go back to the orphanage or military school. So she accepted. Dev said that he had a plan to get them both a lot of money so she could live with him.

Dev began to tell her about his plots to kill me and become director. He set me up so that I”d meet Griff and T Bone who, despite being such nice fellows, were also assasins. The plan didn’t work though, because T Bone killed Griff (the one who looks cool in hats) and ran off with Dev’s money before the misson was complete.

See, Griff and T-Bone aren't very good producers. They're very kind people, but they have trouble staying on task. Griff keeps offering to go to the bank for me, and T-Bone is so eager to baby sit my kids that he can't focus during production meetings.


T Bone was so eager to babysit my kids because he needed information from them, and he knew they didn't love me. He needed to know what else he could steal before he road off with Dev's money. The girls told him about my most prized possesion: the golden statue of myself in my room. And then they told him about the ILM flash drive.

However, I'd notice if it went missing for too long, so T Bone and my daughters made a deal. They'd help him steal the drive if they could stay up until 12.

I lost the flash drive that had ILM's cgi effects on it! I've checked my jean's pockets and it's not there!

If anyone in Pennsylvania finds a purple 2 gb Kodak Handy-Drive with "ILM Stuff" written on the back in baldpoint, please contact me!!!!!


When Griff and T Bone fled, Griff found out about the drive. They got into a fight, T Bone killed Griff, and then he fled.

T Bone made a copy of my purple flash drive, then sent it back to the girls. They hid it somewhere later to make me think I had lost it.

I found my flash drive! It was in between the seat cushions in the couch . It's really strange, because lost things are never where you expect them to be. I look all over the house for the thing and it doesn't turn up, and just when I'm about to give up and watch some tv, it pops up . It's the darndest thing.


T Bone sold the flash drive for millions. It had all the state of the art effects from the movie, even a couple completed scenes. That's how Jessie got a hold of the scenes he leaked, because he bought them from T Bone

Someone leaked 2 scenes from my script! Not that it's real.......it's not. But if it was, I'd be really mad!


Anyway, back to Nichola and Dev.

Nichola was starting to feel guilty about all the destruction Dev was causing. However, she wanted to stay with him and finally have a family, so she tried not to care. That is, until she got the news:

Today we got a call from the orphanage. Nichola just found out that she actually wasn't an orphan. She was just a mistake.

Her newfound giddy excitement is contagious

Dev had told her that her mom was dead, not alive and a whore. He had lied to her so she would live with him as a sex toy. She was happy her mom was alive but extremely guilty about the damage Dev caused.

Meanwhile, Dev caught up to T Bone for betraying him. He asked who helped him steal the drive. T Bone told him that my girls had been involved. Then Dev shot T Bone in the face or something. Must have been awesome.

With Nichola not cooperating, Dev decided to hire my daughters to work from the inside. He said that if they helped kill me, he'd use his influence as the only good actor to get them both roles as Toph Befong. They agreed and began plotting together.

But there was a bump in the road- Megan Fox was cast as Toph. Dev knew he needed my girls to give him more information, so he killed Megan Fox in her trailer

I OPENED MEGAN'S TRAILER AND HER LIMP BODY FELL ONTO THE PAVEMENT BECAUSE SHES DEAD!

SOMEONE RAPED MEGAN FOX AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!


They were very close to starting their plan. The girls and Dev tried convincing Nichola to help them, but she refused.

Dev showed up for work today. I asked where he was yesterday, and he said he was out playing ski ball. "It was great, I was trying to get Nichola to tag along, but she has something against your kids or something."


Nichola and my girls had met when I sent them away last summer.
And thank god for military schools!

Nichola used to stay year round after leaving the orphanage. They were best friends, but Nichola still refused to take part in my murder. She tried to warn them to get away from Dev, but they didn't listen to her.

The girls told Dev my morning routine. He shot me 4 times with a sniper rifle while I was heading to starbucks.





So how did I find all this out? My daughter didn't log out of facebook.

They are so grounded ."









**************************************************************************************************
M Night Shyamalan's
The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan
Created by the Award Winning Director of the Sixth Sense M. Night Shyamalan
**************************************************************************************************


Hi, I'm M. Night Shyamalan, award winning director of the Sixth Sense. I made this blog to get the word about my upcoming film The Last Airbender. Feel free to post any questions or comments for me and Frankie, and go check out Airbender next summer! :wave:



Tuesday
**************************************************************************************************

Deedee Rickets will be in Auburn, New York this Friday looking for leads for my upcoming film The Last Airbender. These 4 children will be part of a 6-year saga based on the hit Nickelodeon 'anime'.If you are Caucasion or some other ethnicity, we urge you to try out!


Thursday
**************************************************************************************************

Well, casting's over, and it's been a great success! Found 4 very talented children to be the stars of my new movie. Deedee did a great job of finding a diverse group of kids- each of our star's families originated in a different region of Ireland! :thumbsup:
Last edited by Metalbender92 on Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:40 pm, edited 37 times in total.
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby Mr Suntail on Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:29 am

"Yawn"
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"Nothing is true, everything is permitted"

I gave the Airbender movie 3 stars outta 5. Its my opinion, i don't care if you didnt like it, I did!!

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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby Metalbender92 on Wed Aug 12, 2009 10:51 am

Monday
***********************************************************************************************
We've started training. All 4 kids are doing really well! Noah has really gotten the hang of airbending (or as it's called in TLA, 'air-foo'!), and Jackson has that lovable idiot thing down pat so he doesn't rehearse anymore.

The only one I”m worried about is McCartney. Jessie still thinks he's a ninja, so whenever he forgets a line, he does an air kick. Hit Noah a couple times in the head, the poor kid hasn't smiled in weeks.

Just read Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix. It's sooooo cool. I haven't read any of the other books, but I'm not going to because I don't want to spoil how FRIKKEN AWESOME OoTP was (that's code for Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix). I didn't know who any of the characters were until half way in, but that just made all of the twists even better! You can read my full review on my life-journal (please subscribe!!!! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: )

Update!: Frankie totally agrees with me about Order of the Pheonix being the best book. That's why he's my producer. :lol:



Mr Suntail wrote:"Yawn"


I bet you just came back from the midnight showing of The Happening, am I right? ;)

Stay cool, :thumbsup:
M. Night Shyamalan
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby absinthe_spoons on Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:12 am

:lol: This is classic, Metalbender. Keep it up. Loved the bit about Jesse kicking Noah in the face.
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby trailerman on Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:16 am

Mr Suntail wrote:"Yawn"

don't understand why. It sounds pretty funny.

Keep the work !
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby Metalbender92 on Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:48 am

Saturday
****************************************************************************************************

Yesterday I went online to check out the avatar fan sites, and I found a protest going on for my movie! At first I thought they were mad about the top knot, but I was sadly mistaken. Apparently people think it's 'racist' to cast white people for an asian-influenced film! The worst part is that they are calling me a racist, but they're quoting other people! :oops:

If you're black, wear a sombrero. If you're Mexican, wear as many turbans as you can! And if you're hispanic, I'd go out and get yourself some leiderhosen before you even think about trying out.


People will have to suspend their disbelief. I will have to get a tan, though. They'll have to pretend that I'm not some lame indian dude....I'M A RACIALLY SUPERIOR WHITE GUY!


I don't get why this has been such a bad week. First Noah gets into a coma, and now this (we're not sure if he was, but he's walking around now)! I don't know what I'm going to do, I don't have control over any of this! :cry: :cry: :cry:

Racebenders: please don't tweet Frankie anymore, he's very scared.


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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby trailerman on Wed Aug 12, 2009 11:50 am

Metalbender92 wrote:
Racebenders: please don't tweet Frankie anymore, he's very scared.


hate one word posts, but - :lol:
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby NightBender on Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:08 pm

But Night, you didn't read any of the Potter books when they offered you to direct those movies? Maybe you're blanking out that time period as a form a regret over declining... at least that would kinda make sense.
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby Metalbender92 on Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:18 pm

I said to them, "I want to direct order of the Pheonix only, because that's probably best book". And they pulled some crap, like"It's not finished yet" and "Yates has dibsys". So I turned them down. If you want a sucky dvd, go buy Order of the Pheonix, because only I could direct a movie that could do the book justice.


BTW, The Happening is now on Disney DVD and Blue-Ray!
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Re: The Blog of M. Night Shyamalan (it's fake, people)

Postby Metalbender92 on Wed Aug 12, 2009 7:22 pm

Thursday
**********************************************************************************************
I had to fire McCartney. It's the only thing that I could do to stop the protesting. He isn't a very good actor, and he's injured my staff several times. Plus, Deedee only hired him so he'd get in bed with her, which explains a lot of the casting choices so far.
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